special treatment.

It seems that there is something about me that is really difficult to love.
People like me, sure.
But something makes them need convincing in order to make it any further.
I'm tired of having to talk people into loving me.
Having to talk them into even giving it a chance.
That doesn't make me feel special.
It doesn't make me want to make them feel special either.
I've already spent all my energy trying to convince you to give me a chance, making myself feel less and less desirable and special, and then I need to make you feel even more special on top of that?
How can you not already feel special when I've worked so hard to make you stay?
How can you not see that it drains my energy to fight, to stay positive, to pretend the hurtful things you do and say roll off my back like water from a duck?
What is it about me that makes it so hard to love me?
I want someone to be afraid of losing me... Not terrified of having me.
I want to feel special. Loved. Important. Irreplaceable. Unique. Respected. Appreciated. Understood. Forgiven. Sexy. Listened to. Interesting. Fun. Comfortable. Safe.
Special.