I have my purpose, but how do I GET there??.

It's been awhile since I have written a journal-like post, but fasten your seatbelts, because here we go...

I think it's absurd that we are expected to know what we want to spend our lives doing before we are old enough to really know who we are.
We live the first 17 years of our lives within the guidelines of our parents, who expect us to transition directly to a post-secondary institution, in which we must already know what direction we are headed, as we will spend the next 4-10 years educating ourselves to be qualified to participate in a profession.
How is this a logical series of events? How are we to know what will make us happy, productive members of society until retirement at 65? How can we maintain a diverse culture when we are all pushed to be doctors, lawyers, engineers, or professional athletes? How many of us spend those years becoming educated and leave feeling like we still have no idea who we are?
I know what I love, what I am passionate about, what I want to contribute to, support, and advocate for in our culture and society. But when do we learn how to turn those things into a job where we can succeed in those goals? How do we know what means to take to get to our end result?

.distant stranger.

My mind runs away to you
With the thought I hope you'll see
Can't see where it's wandered to
But I know where it wants to be
I'm waiting patiently though time is moving slow
I have one vacancy and I wanted you to know that
You're the one designed for me
A distant stranger that I will complete
I know you're out there we're meant to be
So keep your head up and make it to me
And make it to me
So sick of this lonely air
It seems such a waste of breath
So much that I need to say
So much to get off my chest
I'm waiting patiently though time is moving slow
I have one vacancy and I wanted you to know that
You're the one designed for me
A distant stranger that I will complete
I know you're out there we're meant to be
So keep your head up and make it to me

.last to know.

walk it off now
you can tell them all how
how hard we tried to work it out
walk it off dear
standing here with your tail between your thighs
here we stand
there's nothing left for you
there's nothing left for me
here I am
there's nothing left for you
there's nothing left for me
I will never be what you want to see now
I never wanted you to go
but I'd be the last to let you know

walk it off now
you can tell them all how
how good it feels to be let down
tell them all about
how long it was
to get around to her side of town
here we stand
there's nothing left for you
there's nothing left for me
here I am
there's nothing left for you
there's nothing left for me
I will never be what you want to see now
I never wanted you to go
but I'd be the last to let you know

walk it off now
you can tell them all how
I finally let you down
stand around here in this small town
and tell me how it feels
tell me how it feels...

you.

Are you the one
That is holding me back
Is making life hard
That caused all these cracks

Are you the one
Who inspired these walls
Made me so strong
Stopped the passionate squalls

Are you the one
Making my brain drown my heart
Behind all loves failures
Killing romance's start

Are you the one
Who is meant for my world
Holding the key to my heart
Filled with true love so pure

Are you the one
Who began it all
And ended it too
Who built up these walls
But can come bursting through

Are you the one
Who holds all the cards
Do you even know
Or is it too hard
To think it is you...

the moon and back.

Last night I dreamt that you held my hand again

And my heart skipped a thousand beats

It flew to the moon and back

Jumped through my throat and dropped to my gut

Forever my weakness, my kryptonite, my Achilles heel

Forever my heartache, my lingering light, my favourite regret.

a writer.

I think I'd like to be a writer...
do you think that'd be so bad?
To think and write and speak for some
be the voice they may not have

I think I'd like to be a writer...
and spread my thoughts like rain
or sunshine setting on the horizon
of a prairie farmer's plain

I think I'd like to be a writer...
grammar, spelling, and prose
proof reading in the garden
...optimistic, I suppose

I think I'd like to be a writer...
but first I need to graduate
one day I will be that voice
and what a difference I might make.

.buried alive.

The stars had aligned
I thought that I found you
And I don't wanna love somebody else

Oh, we left it all unspoken
Oh, we buried it alive
And now it's screaming in my head
Oh, I shouldn't go on hoping
Oh, that you will change your mind
And one day we could start again
Oh, I thought that I could change you

Oh, I thought that we would be the greatest story that I tell

.recover.

Carved earth, cold
Hiding from you in this skin, so old
I'll come clean
Everywhere everyone knows it's me

And if I recover
Will you be my comfort
Or it can be over
Or we can just leave it here
So pick any number
Choose any color
I've got the answer
Open the envelope

I'll give you one more chance
To say we can change or part ways
And you take what you need
And you don't need me

Blow by blow
Honest in every way I know
You appear
To face a decision I know you fear

And if I recover
Will you be my comfort
Or it can be over
Or we can just leave it here
So pick any number
Choose any color
I've got the answer
Open the envelope

I'll give you one more chance
To say we can change or part ways
And you take what you need
And you don't need me