It's funny how someone else's words can sometimes feel so much more personal and fitting than your own.  And how this can translate into how you read each other.  Like reading meaning into words you wish were there.  Or feeling so incredibly confident that you can suss out the meaning behind the vagueness of someone's words, and taking days, or weeks, or months to realize how wrong you are... and have been... and probably always will be.

Sometimes it's hard to tell which part of this is the hardest.  Is it the waiting, when you think you have something to wait for?  Is it the questioning as to why you even care?  Is it the surprising pain when the waiting doesn't come to fruition?  Is it the stupid feeling when you realize you were waiting without even meaning to?

I wish I could turn off this compulsion to see things that aren't there... feel things that I'd rather not... assumptions that others may do this too... I wish I could just turn it off and be blissfully ignorant of other people's intentions and feelings and desires.  How much easier things would be for me (and my heart) then.

.when it starts to snow.

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Cuz love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cuz you loved her too much
And you dived too deep
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

But you let her go...

.clarity.

High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life

Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time

Hold still right before we crash cuz we both know how this ends

A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

You are the piece of me I wish I didn't need

Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends

It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense

Don't speak as I try to leave cuz we both know what we'll choose

If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you

You are the piece of me I wish I didn't need

Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?