Today...

My grandma died today.

Well actually, it was yesterday.

6pm. "Peacefully in her bed".

Peacefully.

Right.

I'm filled with crazy emotions.

We were never close, I haven't seen her in over 10 years.

Maybe 15.

And yet, I feel regret.

I feel loss.

I feel... I feel.

I'm not a crier.

I don't cry.

I cried today.

Today, I cried.

I cried for the relief she must have felt.

In that moment before she was gone.

In the moment before dawning.

The moment before the light.

But was there light?

Was there a dawn?

Did she feel relief?

I cried for my mother.

For the loss she must feel.

For the absence of roots.

The reduction of family.

Does she feel lost?

I think she did before now.

Does she feel more lost than before?

Or has this given her no reason to be found?

Perhaps there is relief?

Who can say...

I cried for my own self pity.

The forgetfulness.

Time taken advantage of.

Regret.

Regret.

My grandma died today.

And I cried.