indecision rules my life.
This line was saved as a draft months ago. How true it must be, to still be ringing in my head.
like a mantra.
a sick, self-serving chant.
a self-fulfilling prophecy that never comes to an end.
decide and be stuck.
don't decide, and be forever floating.
in a sea of what ifs, what could bes, what could have beens.
what good are these?
these speculations, these hopes, these disappointments.
what good are these when they're all you have.
good enough to live on.
enough to persist.
enough to push on.
depend on.
decide and be defined.
definite.
solid.
predictable.
known.
when i met my dad for coffee slash coming out recently, he told me the one thing he most admired about me was that i do things and then take responsibility for them.
ReplyDeleteit's not always easy, but i do as best i can. i don't think it's predictability or a definition of who i am, but it certainly defines the outcome of any situation as positively as can be.
the disappointment in my life is only relative to how badly i want to improve myself or my situation. if you try everything , you can never be disappointed with yourself. and if you don't want to exhaust all avenues, well: i reckon there is probably a reason as to why that is.
we all live in a gilded cage of regret and self doubt. just open the door. you can be free. we could all be free...